What’s the Big Deal About Sharing and Taking Turns?

Before we dive into the how, let’s talk about the why. Sharing and taking turns aren’t just cute behaviors we hope our preschoolers will adopt to make playdates more peaceful. These are foundational social skills that help children build relationships, navigate group settings, and develop empathy. According to the American Psychological Association, these early skills play a crucial role in emotional development and lay the groundwork for problem-solving and cooperation in the future.

Why Preschoolers Struggle with Sharing

If you’re wondering why sharing seems like such a monumental task for preschoolers, you’re not alone. Here’s the thing: young children are naturally egocentric. They’re not being selfish in the way adults understand it; rather, they are simply focused on their own needs and wants. Their little brains are still developing the capacity to see things from another person’s perspective, which means sharing can feel like a foreign concept. But don’t worry—it’s perfectly normal!

How to Encourage Sharing and Taking Turns

Okay, now that we know why sharing can be a challenge, let’s talk about some strategies that actually work. Believe me, I’ve tried a lot—some were hits, and others were total misses (I’m looking at you, bribery!). The trick is to find what resonates with your preschooler’s personality while making it fun and engaging.

1. Model the Behavior

One of the simplest and most effective ways to encourage sharing is by modeling the behavior yourself. Kids are little sponges—they pick up on everything we do, even when we think they aren’t paying attention. When I’m at the dinner table, I’ll make a point of sharing food with my child, saying things like, “Would you like to share some of my salad?” It’s a small gesture, but over time, they start to mimic that language and behavior in their play.

2. Use Praise and Positive Reinforcement

Praise goes a long way with preschoolers. When I see my child share or take turns, I make a big deal out of it. “Wow, I’m so proud of how you shared your toy with your friend!” Not only does this reinforce the behavior, but it also makes them feel good about their choices. Research shows that positive reinforcement encourages repetition of good behavior. So, a little cheerleading can go a long way!

3. Create Sharing Opportunities

Sometimes, the best way to teach sharing is by creating opportunities for it. Whether it’s a shared snack during playtime or working together on a puzzle, structured activities that naturally involve turn-taking are golden opportunities. For instance, during art time, I’ll hand out crayons and say, “Let’s take turns using the red crayon.” It turns what could be a tug-of-war into a cooperative activity. And let’s be honest—fewer arguments mean fewer headaches for me!

4. Turn Sharing into a Game

One thing I’ve learned: preschoolers love games. Turning sharing and taking turns into a fun activity can work wonders. For example, we play a game called “Share the Treasure.” One person finds a “treasure” (a toy or item), and everyone has to take turns using it or sharing it in some way. Suddenly, the concept of sharing isn’t a chore—it’s part of the adventure!

5. Use Time-Limited Sharing

If sharing a prized toy seems impossible, I’ve found time-limited sharing to be a lifesaver. I set a timer and say, “You can play with this toy for two minutes, and then it’s your friend’s turn.” The timer adds structure and helps preschoolers understand that sharing doesn’t mean giving something up forever. Plus, I’ve discovered that a timer can be surprisingly effective at diffusing tension. Who knew kitchen gadgets could double as peacekeepers?

Solutions for Common Challenges

1. The “Mine, Mine, Mine” Stage

Ah, the notorious “mine” phase. It’s like a rite of passage for preschoolers, isn’t it? One day, everything in the house becomes their personal possession. During this phase, it helps to use language that promotes sharing without forcing it. I’ll say things like, “I see you love that toy, but your friend would like a turn too. How about we share it for a bit?” Giving them a sense of control over the situation (even if it’s a tiny bit) can ease their reluctance.

2. Turn-Taking Meltdowns

We’ve all been there—one child’s turn ends, and suddenly it’s as if the world is ending. When my child struggles with this, I remind them of the time-limited nature of turn-taking. I also try to shift their focus by offering an alternative toy or activity while they wait. Sometimes, a simple distraction can stop a meltdown in its tracks.

3. Teaching Empathy Alongside Sharing

Sharing is more than just handing over a toy—it’s about understanding someone else’s feelings too. When my child refuses to share, I’ll gently ask, “How do you think your friend feels when they don’t get a turn?” Over time, this helps build empathy, which is key to truly understanding why sharing matters.

Conclusion

Helping preschoolers learn to share and take turns is a journey, and like any journey, it comes with bumps along the way. But with patience, creativity, and a little humor, it’s more than possible. Trust me, I’ve navigated more than my fair share of toy battles, and I’ve come out the other side (mostly) unscathed. Whether it’s modeling behavior, using praise, or making sharing into a game, there are countless ways to encourage this important life skill.

And remember, every small victory counts. Even if your child shares for just a moment before pulling the toy back, that’s progress. Celebrate those moments—they’re steps in the right direction.

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